When Tours Go Wrong - Tijuana Cartel's Tour Survival Guide

When Tours Go Wrong - Tijuana Cartel's Tour Survival Guide

Shine on Festival, somewhere outside Melbourne.

I was just about to run off with a beautiful young woman when I remembered I was supposed to meet the band back at the bus. It was three am and the agreed time was two. I legged it drenched in mud through a dark field toward the car. The festival wasn't simply wet, it was flooded, cars were half submerged, stuck in a hideous festival sty and it was still dark. I began to wade through what seemed like an endless flooded forest, I fell over a couple of times until I looked like a muddy desperate creature. It was cold, I was shivering, and I was more than a little disorientated. I yelled towards the flood-lights of the Tarago in the distance, but it was slowly driving away. I was too late. There was a plane to catch and they weren't planning on missing it; we had a show that night and I hadn't been planning on missing it either.

I'm now stuck somewhere outside Melbourne, no money, covered in mud, no wallet and no phone. I now needed to make Byron Bay for our next show that night. I partied a little longer and hitchhiked my way to the airport. Still covered in mud and sleeplessly stressing my way to the terminal. I managed to borrow someone’s phone, ask one of the band members to book me a cheap flight and convinced my way onto Jetstar still covered in mud. I made the night's performance with around ten minutes to spare. In the end, we played a great show.

This is a usual weekend in the Tijuana tour schedule. If someone hasn’t lost there passport or gone missing, we feel it’s a good weekend. I think we’ll live shorter than usual lives, but we love the adventure and the beautiful stupidity contained by the whole extravaganza. We sometimes fight (usually when drunk), we loose the plot, we learn almost nothing from our failures...but it’s all for a reason. I think, yeah, definitely for music. Probably. Yeah, definitely.

Five Essential Tour Items

1. An audio-lead that connects your iPod to a Tarago
2. Prescription Valium
3. Underwear change
4. Airplane pillow
5. Skinny Jeans

Things to note:

1. Personal space does not exist.
2. Sleep exists, but very rarely.
3. Non-drinking is really not an option if you have to venture from pub gig to pub gig.
4. Skinny jeans should be washed at least every three weeks.
5. If you venture from the band for the night, it’s your responsibility to get to the airport on time (not the sober driver)!

Tijuana Cartel will be loading up the Tarago and heading across the country once again. Fingers crossed they all make it in one piece:

- Capitol, Perth, December 7
- White Star, Albany, December 8
- Prince of Wales, Bunbury, December 13
- Settlers Tavern, Margaret River, December 14 and 15
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